A small town prosecuting attorney called
his first witness to the stand in a trial--a grandmotherly, elderly woman.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you
Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've
been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate
people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising
big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to
anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what
else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you
know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've
known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him
for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's
lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal
relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in
the entire state. Yes, I know him."
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom
to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice,
he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll
be in jail for contempt!"
